


If Avon Were Odysseus He Would Have Gotten Home a Lot Sooner

by thehaikubandit



Category: Blake's 7
Genre: Aroace Avon, Aromantic, Asexual, Poor Vila, Sirens, terrible odyssey jokes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-21
Updated: 2015-08-21
Packaged: 2018-04-16 13:04:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4626312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thehaikubandit/pseuds/thehaikubandit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Blake tries to encourage Vila and Avon to work together, but the plan doesn't quite work out...</p>
            </blockquote>





	If Avon Were Odysseus He Would Have Gotten Home a Lot Sooner

**Author's Note:**

> To my dearest most wonderful Bucky. Happy birthday and thank you for letting me drag you into this fandom. Mwahaha!

It all started with Blake. 

“You two need to learn to work together,” he said.

“Why?” asked Avon at the same time as Vila protested “No we don’t!”

“Because we are trying to inspire feelings of cooperation and convince people to join our cause,” said Blake. “And it is getting harder and harder to do so when two members of my crew keep bickering like children.”

The look Avon gave him told him exactly where he could stick his cause. 

“It’s a simple mission,” continued Blake. “You will help the locals to gather the supplies we need, be nice to them and then return back on board. We will be delivering help to the other side of the planet while you do this and will be back to pick you up by this planet’s sunset.”

Avon was not surprisingly in a worse mood than usual when they reached the surface and found it was raining. 

“Look,” said Vila. “I really don’t want to do this either you know.”

Avon pointedly ignored him. 

“We could split the list?” suggested Vila “At least then it would be done without having to, you know, do anything together?”

“Vila,” said Avon. “For the first time in your life, you may have actually had a good idea. Try not to faint with the shock of it.”

Vila was prevented from responding when the local villagers arrived to greet them. "Welcome to Ithaca," said one. "We wish you blessings upon your time here." Vila headed off with a few of them to collect the food supplies; while Avon remained behind to look over the electronics they were being offered. If he could find the parts he needed to fix the chess system, the day might improve! 

His good mood at finding the right components was shortly ruined by the panting approach of one of the villagers who had been with Vila. 

“Sirens!” gasped the boy. “We couldn’t– They took the oth–“ He collapsed onto the ground, unconscious but with a slight smile around his mouth.

“Would anyone,” Avon said very carefully, “like to explain this?”

“The Sirens live in the woods,” said the man nearest to him. “They seduce people with the sweetest of all songs and then they are never seen again. Some say that they eat us; others say they play with our lives for sport. I am sorry,” he clasped Avon’s shoulder, “your friend is gone.” 

Avon glared at him. “Do you ever think that Blake would accept that excuse? I will simply have to rescue the idiot. Again.”

The man shook his head and blinked (or should that be winked?) his single eye. “It’s no use!” he said. “It can’t be done!”

“We’ll see,” said Avon and he stalked off into the woods.

He had only been walking for ten minutes or so when he came across the first sirens. A collection of them were reclining on a patch of grass in a clearing. 

“Avvvooooonnnnnn,” they sighed. “Aaaaaavvvooonnn.”

He stopped to look at them. The three women were all entirely naked but seemed quite pleased despite this. Their long hair and ambient lighting was reminiscent of certain paintings of Artemis and her nymphs. 

“That just looks entirely uncomfortable,” he told them. “Even Vila had more sense than to pull any of this nonsense on a planet with this cold a climate.”

They seemed shocked when he raised his gun and fired at them, killing at least two of the sirens. Being the kind of creatures they were, they were more used to the answer being “I’m just happy to see you.” 

Clearly this caused the sirens some thought, because the next group he came across brought the name Ganymede to mind. This time Avon didn’t even bother to speak, he just rolled his eyes before shooting them and continuing.

He was slightly more alarmed when he rounded a tree to find the crew of the Liberator naked and feeding each other grapes. 

“Aaaaavvvvoooooonnnnn,” they chorused.

“NO.” he said flatly, with a face that suggested he had just eaten a lemon.

The next siren he found was alone. It looked rather like Servalan and was leaning gracefully against a tree. At least it tried to use the tree for cover before he shot it. When it fell its mouth opened and he saw the sharp teeth inside.

Avon frowned. “At least that answers the food question.” 

As such he was not terribly surprised to find the remaining sirens snarling at him in front of a bone-strewn cave mouth. They seemed to have given up on seducing him and were trying for intimidation. By this point he was so annoyed at having to do things he felt were beneath his dignity (and see things he NEVER wanted to see thank you very much) that he killed them before they could attack. 

Stepping over the bones he walked into the cave to find Vila and the other villagers. The latter were awake if groggy, but Vila was out cold and seemed to be having far too good a time for a man in a cave full of corpses. 

“Typical,” said Avon, and began to think about how best to take him back to Ithaca. 

Avon walked into Ithaca with Vila draped over one shoulder and dumped him unceremoniously on the ground. The man with one eye emerged from the crowd of shocked villagers. 

“But how?” he asked “How did you succeed?”

“Well,” said Avon, “it was not terribly hard. I walked in, shot the sirens and walked out. I’ve had more exciting conversations with him.” He gestured at Vila who was now drooling slightly. “Which reminds me, does anyone have a bucket?”

Vila was brought back into the unhappy world of the conscious with a small amount of pleasure on Avon’s part and a fair amount of cold water. They gathered up the supplies they had come for and made contact with the Liberator. 

Vila squinted behind them just before they teleported. “Who’s that bowing man with one eye?” he asked.

“Nobody,” Avon replied shortly.


End file.
